Seeing Right Through You
by Shizaya1398
Summary: For the first time ever Shizuo tells off certain information broker instead of trying to kill him, the bodyguard goes home thinking his harsh words had no effect on Izaya...but is seriously mistaken.../lame summary/story better/will be Shizaya later.
1. Telling you off

_Tap, tap, tap_

_"Is everything alright Shizuo? You seem a upset about something?" _Celty typed on her PDA before showing the blonde; he had called her not to long ago and had asked her to meet with him in the park to talk.

"I've been having a lot on my mind lately; it's just been really pissing me off." Shizuo said as he starred up at the gray sky.

_Tap, tap, tap_

_"Oh? Well maybe I can help, what's been on your mind?"_

"The flea, yea I know he's always on my mind since I want to kill him so badly...I just been thinking of him a little deeper though. He makes me sick to my stomach every time I see that little bastard. It's driving me crazy that no matter how many times I try to kill him he always gets away; I don't think I'll ever be able to get him to stop controlling my mind until he's dead. "Celty was quiet for a while before typing a reply on her PDA.

_Tap, tap, tap_

_"How long have you've been thinking like this?" _

"Since the day we met...it really didn't bother me that much back then. All I knew is that I hated him and wanted him dead, because the second I saw that damn grin I knew he was evil and maybe even inhuman...but now I just can't even hear his name without making myself sick."  
><em><br>Tap, tap, tap_

"Did something bad happen between you two...well worse than the other stuff you guys do to each other?"

Celty asked curiously.

"Well...not really...it happened a week ago. It was late and I was walking home from work when I saw this man and woman fighting about something on the street. Usually that kind of stuff doesn't really interest me, but I know I'd seen that couple lots of times. They lived in the apartment next to mine so i knew them pretty damn well. They had a three year old son together and had been married for a very long time, I always saw them either kissing or holding hands and sometimes I would even see them playing in the park with their son. Usually that love shit pisses me off but this couple was different for some reason...I guess I thought of what they had together as something I would want...but I knew I couldn't have it, I mean who would love a monster like me right?Anyway that one night I saw them fighting really caught my attention since I knew they had never fought before; the husband kept saying something about how he thought the woman had cheated on him...the fight got so out of hand that he ended up slapping her across the face. she called the cops after that and the man had gotten arrested, I was still standing there after the woman had gone home and then I saw him...the flea had came out from the shadows and was laughing like some kind of mad man. He was saying stuff like _'wow that was entertaining, I really should do this more often'_. I knew the flea had rated out that woman...that's when I started having all the thoughts and nightmares about him. I don't really know why what he did to that family affected me so much...it's just really been pissing me off since then…"

_Tap, tap, tap_

"Shinra had told me that he thinks Izaya has some sort of obsessive mental problem. That could be why he takes suck a joy in seeing other people suffer."

"You know what's really eating me up inside Celty? The fact that that bastard can strut around town with that cocky little grin on; thinking he's the king of the world…feeling like he can control anyone he wants and do whatever he wants without any consequences. I really wish that I can make him feel as low as he should for everything he's done; he says he loves humans and yet he gets high on torturing them. That sick bastard really needs a _'wake up call'_."

_Tap, tap, tap_

_"I have the solution to your problem, go to Izaya's office and tell him off. Maybe all you really need to do is just get every hatred thought you have towards him and just let it all out. That would make me feel better if I hated him as much as you did." _Shizuo just grinned and continued to stare up at the sky.

"Killing him sounds a lot more fun though..."

_Tap, tap, tap_

"If you kill him you'll go to jail, and I don't want to see you get taken down like that. Trust me, telling him off will make you feel great."

Shizuo thought for a moment before nodding to her suggestion.

"Thanks for the talk...oh and stay as far away from the flea as possible. Tell Shinra to do the same, if he does anything to you two I'll make sure he dies the slowest and painful death a person can due from."

* * *

><p><em>Later in Shinjuku...<em>

"Ah what's this, the monster of Ikebukuro has decided to pay me a visit." Izaya said as he heard his door being broken door. A wide grin spread across his face as he watched the blonde enter his apartment and start to walk towards him.

"Hello Shizu-chan, come to kill me at my own apartment?" Izaya asked as his eyes locked with mocha ones.

"Actually no...I came to tell you how much of a bastard you are."

"Oh really? How unlike you, this should be very interesting." Izaya laughed as he leaned back in his desk chair and put his feet up on the desk

"You know the thing I hate most about you flea? How you can just throw people's lives around like they're garbage. All I've seen you do since the day we've met is see you try your hardest to ruin other people's lives...actually I think that's all you've done and wanted to do since the day you were born. I don't think you have some sort of physiological problem like that damn Shinra says you probably do; I think you're just some low life bastard who can't get a fucking life so he has to go around trying to ruin other people's lives. It makes me sick to the very fiber of my being to see you laugh like a mad man as you watch people's lives be torn apart. I bet you're asking yourself right now why the hell do I care what you do to people? To tell you the truth almost everyone I know pisses me off in some way; but I can forget all of that when I see you getting your sick kicks out of watching your little game pieces fall into the real questions I want the answer to is why the he'll are you on this earth? Why do you live on other people's misery? Why don't you do the world a big fat favor and just drop dead? You know it really doesn't surprise me that you don't understand how much you're hated by not just me but pretty much everyone in the entire world. People who don't even know you look at you when you're walking down the street and instantly hate you, that cocky little grin you've always got on just writes "I'm the biggest jackass" on your forehead. Now let's see if this will get it through that thick head of yours..." Shizuo approached the desk and slammed both hands on it; his eyes locked with crimson ones as he tried to stare as deep into the brunet's soul as possible.

"You are a horrible, evil, pathetic excuse for a man. No one in this entire world will everlike you. Like you said yourself, your past will always follow you forever and ever and ever. You are guaranteed to be hated and despised the rest of your sick lonely life. When you die your dead body most likely be dumped in a river since your family is to ashamed to even sharing a last name with you. Everyone would be better off if you were never born you sorry excuse for a human being." Shizuo said in the most serious tone he had ever talked to a person before. The smile on Izaya's face hadn't faded; he continued to give the blonde his best poker face before answering to his speech.

"Is that supposed to hurt me Shizu-chan? You make it seem like I'm the only one who's hated by everyone in this town. People are deathly afraid of you and can't even look you in the eyes; your considered a monster by everyone in Tokyo and you're a disgrace to your family. Even your own brother changed his name so people wouldn't know he was related to a devil like you. I'm surprised that all that adrenalin coursing through your veins hasn't killed you yet; I was thinking that one of these days the large vein that pulses in your head would just pop. Unfortunately that hasn't happened yet but when it does you can bet that me and everyone in Tokyo will have a field day and take turns dancing on your protozoan grave. So go ahead and say what you want about me, I really don't care. I love all my humans and love seeing them in interesting predicaments. It's just a fun little game I like to call life; it's a bitch, but if it was a slut it'd be easy. Well anyway Shizu-chan, I may be hated but your feared. At least people can actually look at me, they're too afraid to even breathe the same air as you. So really, who's the real sorry excuse for a human?" Izaya said, not taking his eyes off of the man in front of him.

"Don't try to make it sound like we're the same flea. There is a huge difference between my statement and yours. I'm feared because of my strength, I don't take joy in hurting other people or ruining their lives. You on the other hand are hated because of your bastard attitude and actions, and that insane high you get from watching other people suffer. There's also another difference between the two of us, I actually have people who would care if something ever happened to me."

"Oh really? Now who would that be?"

"Celty, Shinra, and Kasuka of course; I can name other's if you like but I think that'll just be more people you'll try to convince to hate my guts. Those people don't fear me they respect me, I talk to them like friends and family do. You're sisters I know for a fact hate your guts and I bet if I offered them five minutes to talk to Kasuka they'd kill you for me in a heartbeat. You see flea, no one really cares about or what happens to you; and no matter how much you love humans, not a single one will ever love you back. I bet you think that Shinra or maybe even Celty might like you but in reality they really just try to put up with you. You're a burden on both of them and if something ever happened to you I bet they'd just shrug it off and go about their lives. Like I said before flea, no one will ever love you because of what you are..."

"Oh yea? What exactly would I be Shizu-chan?" Izaya said, adrenaline rushing through his veins at the pure excitement of the heated conversation.

"A monster...or better yet...a devil." Shizuo turned his back on the informant and left his apartment; he was on his breaking point as he left the building and started walking home in the now pouring rain. For some reason he was actually...happy; he had just told off the man he had hated the most...it was sort of bittersweet victory considering the things thrown back in his face that he knew was true...he also had no idea how he was able to hold out on throwing anything at the flea…but he had, which showed that he did have_ some_ self control.

_"I'll have to remember to text Celty and thank her."_ Shizuo thought.

Izaya had stood up from his desk chair and was now starring out his large window; watching the ice cold rain fall from dark clouds.  
><em><br>"The thing that I hate the most about you Shizu-chan...Is how you can see right through me..." _Izaya thought to himself, a wide smile spread across his face and warm tears running down his pale cheeks.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: I'm really not sure why I wrote this? Well I've noticed that most fan fictions I write and other people write have Izaya being so innocent when he really isn't. He's such a horrible person in the anime and manga that I really have some hatred for him so it felt good having Shizuo tell him off. But then again I do love Izaya a lot to so I guess I have a love hate relationship towards him life Shizu-chan does! Hahahahah! Anyway I really liked writing this and I worked hard on it so I hoped you liked it and I'll start thinking up the next chapter ASAP. Thank you for reading and get ready for the next chapter!<strong>


	2. Revenge

Izaya starred out his large office window, watching the world go by as he continued to think about what the bodyguard had said to him the day before.

"_You are a horrible, evil, pathetic excuse for a man. No one in this entire world will __ever__ like you." _Shizuo had said to him, Izaya didn't realize that his hands had went into fists and he whole body was shaking with anger and maybe even…fear?

"_Everyone would have be better off if you were never born you sorry excuse for a human being." _Izaya leaned his head forward and slammed it against the glass; he really had no idea why this was bothering him so much. It was the man he hated the most just trying to hurt him verbally…which was really unlike Shizuo since he usually enjoyed just throwing large metal objects at the informant.

"Stupid Shizu-chan…why the hell did he have come here and say those things to me; what was that protozoan trying to do?" Izaya thought to himself as he sat back down in his desk chair and starred at the black screen of his turned off computer. He looked up the stairwell to see his secretary Namie Yagiri looking up some files he had asked her to get him. Izaya was sure she hated his guts…but it couldn't hurt to ask her…

"Namie, do you like me?" Izaya asked, the question was so random it took a couple minutes for the women to respond.

"Of course I don't like you, the only reason I'm keeping the job is to keep an eye on my brother…and the money is pretty good to." Namie said simply, Izaya let out his best fake laugh before getting up from behind his desk and start walking towards his board game. He starred at it for god knows how long before kicking the entire thing onto the floor; the brunet watched as the pieces scattered in various directions.

"What was that about?" Namie asked as she walked down the stairs and towards the male with an armful of files.

"I changed my mind about those files; get me Shizuo Heiwajima's file." Izaya said fiercely before going back to sit at his desk; he turned on his computer and started typing away on it. Namie had cursed him out under her breath as she went to go put all the files back in their places and get Shizuo Heiwajima's file.

"_And he wonders why I don't like him."_ Namie thought as she placed the file on her bastard of a boss's desk.

"Don't expect me to clean that up." Namie said as she stared at the various game pieces and small game board that had been angrily thrown onto the floor.

"You don't have to, that's where I want it." Izaya said as he reached for the ex-bartenders file, Namie just stared at him with a confused expression as her boss started looking through Shizuo's file.

"Why'd you throw it on the floor?" Namie asked, she was a little curious on why Izaya had thrown his favorite game (that she still didn't know how it was played) on the floor.

"…I lost…" Izaya said, there was a bit of hurt in his voice as he pulled out a sheet of paper with a list of Shizuo's family members from his file.

"Ha, that's a new one." Namie said as she looked back down at the scattered pieces; she would have to remind herself to be careful when walking around here as to not trip on a game piece.

"I don't think I'll need you anymore today, you may go home now." Izaya said, not taking his eyes off of the piece of paper in his hands. He flinched when the brunette in front of him slammed both her hands down on his desk.

"Not so fast, what about my paycheck?" Namie asked; her eyes locked on the male in front of him. Izaya laughed his best fake laugh again and reached into his pocket for his wallet. He pulled some yen for his secretary before handing off to her; she grabbed it roughly from him and left the apartment in less than a millisecond.

"_Now let's see here…it seems the only remaining family members in Shizu-chan's family are his parents and his little brother Kasuka_." Izaya thought to himself as he took out the headshot of Kasuka he had stored in the file. He knew the movie start well since whenever his sisters visited him he was all they would talk about.

"_Hm…maybe I could use this to my advantage…nothing would kill Shizu-chan more than having his beloved brother hurt."_ Izaya giggled evilly as he put on his fur trimmed jacket and swiftly ran out his apartment.

"_This is what happens when you hurt me Shizu-chan…this is what happens…"_

* * *

><p><em>That night in Ikebukuro…<em>

"Who the hell could be calling at this hour?" Shizuo said aloud as he grabbed his cell phone from his nightstand and flipped it open; it was nearly midnight and he was exhausted from throwing various medal objects.

"_Hello, is this Shizuo Heiwajima?"_ A female voice asked.

"Yes, who is…" The blonde was interrupted by the nurse before he could ask anything else.

"_Sorry to call you so late but you were in your brother Kasuka's emergency contacts and I'd like to inform you that there's…been an accident…"_ Shizuo froze when he heard that…his baby brother…his Kasuka…had been in an accident?

"What do you mean? Is he ok?" Shizuo asked urgently as he jumped out of his bed and started getting into one of his bartender's uniforms.

"_He'll live, he was working late at a movie he was working on when the entire light fixture suddenly came crashing down onto him. He was crushed under there for nearly an hour; since it was so heavy it took a while to get it off of him. You need to come down here immediately since your parents are currently out of the country."_

"I'll be there right away, what hospital is he at?"

"_The one in Ikebukuro…and hurry_..." Shizuo dropped his phone and started at a full speed run out his apartment door. He didn't even bother calling for a cab, he just ran…and ran…and ran, until he finally got to the front door of the hospital. He wasn't even breaking a sweat as he barged into the hospital and started at a quick pace to the front desk.

"I'm look for Kasuka Heiwajima, I'm his brother Shizuo Heiwajima." Shizuo said quickly, he was surprised to see that there weren't any of Kasuka's fans crowding outside and inside the hospital.

"Ah yes, he's in the third room on the left on the fifth floor." The nurse said politely, the blonde didn't even thank her as he started rushing towards the elevator. He was very impatient on waiting for the elevator that he almost jammed his fist in it; finally the doors opened. Shizuo had to be carefully not to break the buttons as he pressed the number five one; he taped his foot as he tried to calm himself down.

"_He's fine…the nurse said he would be ok…just relax…"_ The bodyguard tried to tell himself as the double doors opened to the floor he knew his brother was on. He walked quickly down the hallway until he to the room the secretary said Kasuka was in; he pushed open the door a little less roughly this time and almost fell to his knees as he saw his baby brother lying in a hospital bed.

"Kasuka…" Shizuo whispered as he came into the room and closed the door behind him; somehow Kasuka had heard him and had turned his head to look at his older brother. Shizuo grabbed one of the chairs in the room and pulled it up next to the hospital bed his baby brother was currently lying in. Kasuka had a neck brace on and his left arm and leg were both in cast; he had a large cut running from under his right eye down to his chin and the side of his nose looked a little bruised.

"…This is all my fault…" Shizuo said as he looked down, trying to hold back tears that were threatening to fall.

"What are you talking about? You're not the one who dropped that light fixture on me." Kasuka said as he starred at his brother with his usual indifferent expression.

"I know…but I still think this is my fault…" Shizuo repeated; all he heard was Kasuka sigh and turn his attention back up to the ceiling.

"Don't worry Nii-san; the doctor said I would make a full recovery. My agent said she would make sure no one knew what hospital I was at so I could get some peace and quiet from my fans." Kasuka said simply.

"Do you know how this happened? Was there screws lose or something like that?" Shizuo asked curiously.

"No, this was intention; but no one was near the light fixtures so it was definitely someone who didn't work on the set…"

"Once they find the guy who did this I'm going to rip him in half." Shizuo said angrily, he couldn't even stand people talking about his brother; he would never tolerate someone hurting his most beloved person. Shizuo looked up at Kasuka as the younger male grabbed his hand and held it.

"No…I don't want you to get in trouble with the police again…" Kasuka said; he really didn't want to see his brother go to jail for murder.

"Do you have any idea who might have done this to you?" Shizuo asked, he was determined to find out who had did this.

"Yes actually…there was this one strange guy there…I didn't catch his name but he was really thin and he was wearing a black v-neck shirt, black jeans, black dress shoes, and this interesting looking fur trimmed jacket…come to think of it, I think his name was something along the lines of…Izaya?."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Sorry for the late update, I had so much to do for homework it's not even funny!...hahahahahah! I hope you liked this chapter because there are many more chapters to come! Kasuka getting inured isn't going to be the main plot in this, it's going to get better so please alert, favorite, and review please! Thanks for reading and I'll see you all in the next chapter! <strong>


	3. Better Off

"You know him" Kasuka asked as he noticed the change in his brother's expression; Shizuo nodded and stood up from the chair he was sitting in. Kasuka knew that when Shizuo was in high school he would come home everyday being mad at this one kid…but he never told him the name.

"…Was this the same person who sent those gangs after you in High School?" Kasuka asked; wanting to make sure his prediction was correct.

"Yea, I knew that prick was crazy…but I'd never think he'd do something like this." The blonde said as he started pacing back and forth across the room.

"Try not to worry too much Nii-san, my arm is broken but my leg really isn't. The muscles are a little bruised so they just put a cast on it to be safe; the doctor also said that the other cuts and bruises I have will heal quickly. I only have to stay here for about a week, and then I can go back to my hotel…although they postponed the shooting of my movie for a few months so the rest of my injuries can heal completely."

"I'm not worried, I know you're strong and I know you'll be fine…right now all I'm focusing on is how I'm going to kill that bastard flea." Shizuo said fiercely, Kasuka sighed and turned his attention back up to the ceiling.

"I'm kind of thirsty; could you go get some milk from the cafeteria for me?" The actor asked the still angry bodyguard, Shizuo nodded and quickly walked out of the room. Kasuka thought that maybe a short walk would calm his older brother down; he hated seeing him so mad all the time. Mostly because he didn't want Shizuo to be arrested again or die from an extreme heart attack caused by his anger issues.

"That was quick…" Kasuka said as he heard the door of his room slowly start to open; but when he looked over his expression turned grim.

"Hello there Kasuka." Izaya said in a cheerful tone, he skipped over to the brunet's bedside and grind his best evil grin at him.

"Why are you here?" Kasuka asked as he lay back down in the bed, keeping both eyes locked on the older male.

"I just wanted to see how you were feeling; it's a pity that my little stunt didn't kill you though." Izaya said, sounding very disappointed.

"What reason would you have for wanting to kill me? What did I ever do to you?"

"Nothing of course…but you love your brother don't you? You love him even though he's a monster right?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Actually it's the entire reason why you're in that hospital bed; you see no one really loves me. Even my bratty sisters wouldn't care if I was dead…and I don't think it's fair that Shizu-chan has someone to love him and I have no one…so I thought it would just kill him if his little brother that he loves so much were to just…die." Kasuka was getting uncomfortable at the insane look the informant had on his face.

"Hm…you know my brother really was right about you."

"Oh? And what did the monster of Ikebukuro say about me?" Izaya asked curiously, he was leaning over the younger male with an expression of pure madness on.

"You'll never be loved; you're an insane bastard who doesn't deserve to live. No one would care if you died and the world would have been a lot better off if you were never born you pathetic excuse for a man." The wicked smile spread across the thin male's face disappeared in an instant after he heard those words escape the injured actor's lips.

"…..Is that so?" Izaya reached into his pocket and pulled out his switchblade, tears ran down his cheeks as he held the male down with one hand and held the knife over his heart with the other.

"Die…" He swung his arm back and plunged the knife forward to the brunet's body; he gasped when his wrist was suddenly grabbed roughly by someone behind him. As Izaya was spun around a large fist was slammed into his nose; he yelped and slammed against the wall behind him.

"You stay the hell away from him flea." Shizuo barked as he approached the brunet who was now on his hands and knees. Celty and Shinra had met up with Shizuo in the lobby and were now standing in the doorway; they had come after they had heard Kasuka had gotten hurt from Shizuo.

"Wait!" Shinra yelped as he watched the large male start to strangle the informant to death; Izaya tried to reach for his switchblade as big hands squeezed his throat.

"Shizuo stop! You'll kill him!" Shinra grabbed at the blonde's shirt as he tried to pry him off of the smaller male.

"That's what I'm trying to do!" Shizuo screamed back as he watched Izaya's eyes start to roll in the back of his head, finally Celty stepped in and used her smoke like substance to hold the bodyguards hands back.

"What the hell are you doing?" Shizuo screamed as the other male tried to catch his breath; Izaya looked around with wide eyes to see that everyone was staring at him.

"_I need to get out of here….I need to get out of here…"_ Izaya jumped to his feet and started running full speed out of the room; he didn't care how much his lungs hurt he continued to run down the stairs of the building until he was out of there all together.

_Shinjuku, Izaya Orihara's apartment…_

Izaya breathed heavily as he finally got into his apartment, his lungs were screaming at him at this point as he slid his back down the door until he was finally sitting on the carpeted floor.

"_What the hell is wrong with me?"_ Izaya thought as he buried his face in his hands, more tears were starting to form at the corner of his eyes and his body shook with fear. He sat there for god knows how long, shaking and crying at what had just happened.

"_It's not fair, why does that bastard get to have someone to love him? Why…him…"_ Izaya said aloud; after a few minutes of trying to calm down he got to his feet and went to go sit at his desk. Maybe a little work or playing around on his chat rooms would calm him down. Unfortunately no one was on the chat rooms at the moment and he had gotten all the information his boss Shiki had asked him to get. Izaya's eyes trailed down his top desk drawer; knowing it held an item that he had bought just for this sort of occasion. He slowly opened it and pulled out a loaded hand gun; he studied it for a while before starting to bring it up towards his head.

"_The world would have been better off if you were never born….I've been told that so many times…."_ Izaya swallowed hard as he pushed the barrel of the gun to his head; he was just about to pull the trigger when he heard a loud knocking at his front door.

"Izaya let me in! I know your home!" Shinra yelled as he continued to pound his fist on the door.

"Go away Shinra, I'm busy." Izaya said fiercely as he started to pull the trigger of the gun; he gasped when the knocking turned into loud banging. He accidentally missed and fired the bullet of the gun at the window; at this point Shinra had knocked down the door with his arm at the fear of his friend being killed. The underground doctor looked around the room until he saw the informant starring at the hole he had made in the window; luckily the window was so big that it didn't shatter when hit with the bullet.

"Thank god..." Shinra sighed as he ran over to the informant; he quickly snatched the gun from his hands and turned him around to face him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Shinra barked angrily, hid anger soon turned into concern as he saw the brunet's sad expression.

"Izaya…why on earth would you try to kill yourself?" Shinra asked, his eyes locked with the other males.

"I…I don't deserve to live Shinra…"

"Why would you think that?"

"….because…I'm a horrible person…"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Not my best chapter but I liked it and I hope you did to. Please don't forget to review so I know if you liked it or not! Thanks for reading and I'll start on the next chapter soon!<strong>


	4. No More

"Oh...Izaya...please don't cry..." Shinra said nervously as he watched his friend shake and cry.

"It's not fair, it's not fucking fair that monster has people to love him and I have no one." Izaya cried, he had broken down and was now sitting on his couch, crying into his hands. Shinra sighed heavily and sat down next to the other male.

"Don't worry Izaya-kun, I'm your friend." Shinra said, trying to make the brunet feel better.

"No you're not, you're afraid of me." Izaya sobbed

"Huh? Why on earth would I be afraid of you? I know you've done some bad things but we've been friends since we were little!"

"...I know you know I have Celty's head, your just being nice to me so I won't give it to her..." Shinra was quiet for a while before reaching into his pocket and giving the raven a tissue.

"I know you've done some evil things Izaya...but you wouldn't do that to me. I know you wouldn't..."

"...well..." Izaya said nervously as he wiped his eyes with the tissue.

"I really just hate how Shizu-chan gets to have so many people to love him...my first target was Kasuka...I wanted to get rid of him because I know he was close to Shizu-chan...And I know you and Celty are close friends with Shizu-chan to...so I was planning on doing something to you two to make you not want to be friends with him..."

"What were you going to do?" Shinra asked curiously.

"I'm not sure...but I was in a dark place when I was thinking about it...so it would probably be something bad..."

"...all this trouble, just for being jealous of Shizuo." Izaya clawed his fingernails into his arms as he heard those words echo through his skull. He was Orihara Izaya; he couldn't cry like this...he just couldn't...

"I...I'm sorry Shinra..."

"Izaya, do you think that maybe you're so mad that Shizuo has people to love that… your mad he won't love you...and you've been trying to get rid of the people that love him because...if he can't love you...then he can love no one?"  
><em><br>"Don't...say things that are true_." Izaya thought before answering the question

"That stupid...I hate that bastard..."

"Well you've been spending all this time trying to get rid of the people that love him; why do you care who loves him? How does it affect you in anyway?" Shinra asked, he knew Izaya had feelings for the blonde all hr had to do was make him admit it…and keep him from killing himself.

"It doesn't affect me…I just don't want anyone to love that monster…."

"Because you want to be the only one that loves him?" Shinra flinched when the informant punched him weakly in the arm.

"Stop putting words in my mouth, I don't love Shizu-chan he's a monster. Why would I ever love a monster like him?"

"…Well you two are more alike than you think, your both social outcasts and really everyone is either afraid of you or hates you…you two really only have each other in this lifetime."

"Wow Shinra, that makes me feel so much better…" Izaya said sarcastically as he rubbed a few stray tears from his eyes.

"Oh, sorry I didn't mean it in a mean way; all I'm saying is that you two were actually meant for each other. I bet that if you two were together then it would be the best for both of you. Shizuo would be able to mellow out his anger and I bet you would be a lot nicer if you had Shizuo to love you."

"Keep dreaming Shinra; Shizu-chan will never ever love me after what I did to Kasuka…not that I would want him to love me…"Izaya pulled his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around them; he really wasn't in the mood to talk anymore.

"Izaya, I'm curious about something…why do you love to hurt people so much? Why do you take a joy in it?" Shinra asked, his eyes shining with curiosity.

"…I don't know I always say how much I love my humans and yet I hurt them all the time…Physically and emotionally…I've ruined people's lives and some I even influenced them killing themselves. " Izaya was shaking now; his bangs had fallen in front of his eyes as more warm tears streamed down his cheeks.

"I-I guess I want everyone to…feel as bad as I do…" Izaya said, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"So, you're saying that if you're not happy…then no one can be happy?" Shinra flinched when Izaya laid his head in his shoulder and started crying again.

"I…I'm a monster Shinra." Izaya cried; Shinra sighed and patted the informants head, trying to make his feel better. The two males nearly jumped out of their skin at the sound of an angry knocking at the informant's front door.

"Get out here flea and fight me like a man, if you don't I'll break the fucking door down!" Shizuo screened at the top of his lungs.

"Fuck...Why'd he show up now..." Izaya whispered nervously as tried to whip the wetness from his cheeks. He remembered the switchblade in his back pocket; Izaya reached behind him and tried to get it out as quickly as possible.

"What are you doing?" Shinra screamed as he watched the brunet flip out the blade and aim it as his body.

"I need to die! I want to die!" Izaya jumped to his feet and aimed the blade at his heart.

"Izaya don't!" Shinra said as he tried to grab the knife. Izaya screamed as the underground doctor tried to throw him on the floor and hold him down. By this time Shizuo had smashed the door to splinters and entered the room at hearing all the screaming.

"Shizuo help me hold him down!" Shinra yelped as Izaya tried to shake him off; Shizuo ran to the two males fighting and grabbed the flea roughly by the arms.

"NO NO NO LET ME DIE!" Izaya screamed as both of his arms were held behind his back.

"Calm down Izaya, if you don't I'll have to give you something that'll make you calm down." Shinra said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a syringe of some unknown liquid.

"NO NO NOOOO!" Shinra approached the two males with the syringe; Izaya thought quickly before swinging his head back and slamming it into the blondes. Shizuo gasped and let go of the brunet as the sheer shock of being hit hard in the face.

"Don't come near me!" Shinra and Shizuo starred at the informant with wide eyes as he held the barrel of the gun to his head.

"Izaya...put the gun down." Shinra said calmly, he had dealt with these kinds of people before and knew what to do to talk them out of killing themselves.

"NO!" Izaya barked, tears started rolling down his cheeks again as he laid his finger on the trigger.

"Don't kill yourself Izaya." Shizuo said, he had no idea why he cared if the flea shot himself...something about the way Izaya was crying...made him feel weak all over. Izaya bangs fell in front of his eyes as he lowered his head...Shizuo had just said his name.

"Why the hell do you care? This is what you've wanted since the day we met...for me to die." Izaya cried

"Don't kill yourself...don't…" Shizuo repeated, he really didn't know what else to say.

"...You should know by now Shizu-chan...That I never do anything you say..." Izaya said as he pressed the trigger on the gun; blood splattered onto the floor as the bullet dug deep into the side of the informants head.

"IZAYA!" Shizuo and Shinra screamed in horror as the smaller male fell to his knees and collapsed onto the floor.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Sorry for the late update, I'm sick and staying home today so I thought writing this would take my mind off of it. I hope you liked this chapter and I'll be trying to write the next soon! Oh and don't forget to review please!<strong>


	5. Break Down

Shinra sighed tiredly as he pulled the warm blanket over the unconscious body. It had taken him hours to get the bullet out of Izaya's head and even longer to make sure he didn't die. It was a miracle that he was even breathing; the bullet hadn't gone directly into the ravens head and had just about rested in the flesh on the side of his head. Izaya was breathing steadily now as he slept off the incredible amount of medication Shinra had given him.

"How is he?" Shizuo asked as be entered the room, he had helped Shinra bring Izaya's half dead body back to his apartment.

"Fine." Shinra said as he moved around the room to gather all his bloody tools.

"Will he live?" Shizuo asked curiously, he moved closer to the unconscious informant and starred down as his sleeping face.

"Do you care or are you just curious?" Shinra asked annoyed at the blonde, he glared at the bodyguard for god knows how long before turning his attention back to his medical tools.

"What was that look for?" Shizuo asked as he looked back at the underground doctor. Shinra didn't answer; he really didn't want to look at the blonde right now.

"Hey, what's your problem?" Shizuo asked angrily, he grabbed the doctor roughly by the arm and spun him around to face him.

"I wasn't the one who hurt him so you don't have to be all angry at me." The ex-bartender said angrily.

"I'm mad because you're here Shizuo, the only reason you were at his apartment in the first place is because you wanted to kill him. Now you're here being all worried about if he's going to live or not? What the hell is that all about?" Shinra rarely ever got angry, but in a state of confusion he really did get pissed off.

"…I'm not worried about him; I just want to see if he'll live. If he doesn't then I'll be fine with that." Shizuo said shrugging like he didn't give a fuck if Izaya died right there and then.

"And that's another reason why I'm mad, you don't even fucking care that he was just trying to commit suicide. I know you hate him and all but you could show a little compassion for him, he has been going through a lot."

"That bastard doesn't deserve any pity from anyone, he's an evil flea and he definitely deserves to die."

"No one deserves to die Shizuo, yes he does bad things but you don't know the whole story behind it. If you knew what I knew about him you wouldn't hate him." Shinra said angrily.

"Oh yea? What else is there to know about him? He's a spoiled brat who tortures anyone he pleases and has a huge apartment that he brags about having to random people on the street. He's also a complete ass-hole who is probably going to burn in hell after he dies." Shizuo grunted in frustration and went back to Izaya's bedside. He would be upset of Izaya died; they had been friend s for so long it would be hard not to care if he died.

"Just leave, you obviously don't care about him…so just fucking leave already." Shinra spat out at the blonde; Shizuo was shocked at this point, he and never seen his friend get so angry before.

"No, you're thinking differently about him and I want to know why you care so much about him? I know he's done some bad things to you and Celty and yet you still care about him?" Shizuo asked curiously as he went to go stand next to the doctor.

"Of course I care about him, we've been friends since we were in kindergarten…and the things he's done to me really weren't that bad and if he was awake right now I'd tell him that I forgive him for everything's he's done over the years."

"Why?"

"Because I know he doesn't mean it, he's just…" There was a long silence between the two before one of them finally spoke up.

"You know something about the flea that you're not telling me, just spit it out already." Shizuo said; he was starting to get annoyed at all this suspense.

"Alright well let's start with Izaya's bragging, he may have a huge apartment Shizuo…but he's still alone in it. Since we were little he's always been a very depressed person; I really didn't understand it because his parents were nice to him and his sisters were nice to him to… for some reason he just started feeling really useless and it got worse as he got older. He would see families and couples on the streets and would get mad because he thought he would never be able to have that. He had dated a few girls and even some guys but all of them were either using him or really just agreed to go out with him because of his looks. The people who hurt him were the first ones he started to torture; he would ruin any relationship they got into until almost half of them killed themselves. Then Izaya became an informant because that's what he always wanted to do; by doing this he was also able to get information on other people fairly easy and that's when he started to torture other people…he wanted to make other people feel as bad as he did." After the speech Shinra had just given Shizuo stayed quiet for god knows how long, not really knowing how to answer…

"So…basically the flea is taking out all his pain on other people?"

"Hm, I guess you could say that."

"But what I still don't understand is why he tried to hurt Kasuka? I know he never did anything to the flea."

"Well…actually Izaya did that out of jealousy towards you." Shinra said a little reluctantly.

"The flea was jealous…of me?" Shizuo asked completely dumbfounded at the idea.

"Yes, he won't admit to it though…Izaya thinks that you're some kind of social outcast like he is and he thinks it's not fair that you have people that love you and he doesn't. He wanted to get rid of the people who love you the most so he first tried to get rid of Kasuka…I think there's another reason why he was so angry you had people to love you…I was thinking that he was mad because he knew you would never love him…and if he couldn't love you then no one could love you."

"Wait a minute…the flea loves me? You must be wrong; we've hated each other since the first day we met." Shizuo said fiercely.

"…Izaya didn't really hate you, he just liked seeing you get angry and use that monstrous strength. That's mostly why he intimidated you all those times and sent those gangs after you." The two were interrupted by a slight whimpering sound; Izaya was trying to open his eyes but the bright light from the ceiling lights were making it difficult.

"Izaya-kun…Izaya can you hear me?" Shinra asked as he shook the informant gently.

"Sh…Shinra?" Izaya said almost to quiet for the underground doctor to hear; Shinra was smiling now as he watched the brunet slowly open his eyes.

"Am I dead?" That was the first question Izaya had asked as he starred up at his smiling friend.

"Nope, luckily Shizuo and I were able to drag you here before you bled to death. Consider it a miracle that you're even talking right now." Shinra said, almost laughing; his laugh was interrupted by a cry of agony from the informant.

"Why the hell did you save my life? I didn't want to be saved, I wanted to die." Izaya cried; he really didn't care if he cried at this point. Warm tears spilled out from the corner of his eyes and ran down his pale cheeks.

"I couldn't just let you die Izaya." Shinra said nervously, he placed a hand on Izaya's forehead and smoothed his hair back from his face; he was trying to get some kind of comforting feeling into the now crying male.

"He just saved your life flea, you could be a little grateful." Shizuo said annoyed; Izaya looked next to the doctor and noticed the familiar blonde starring at him through mocha eyes.

"Why are you here?" Izaya asked; his bottom lip quivered as a now cold tear fell on it.

"I wanted to see if you'd die; unfortunately you didn't so I'll just be leaving." Shizuo said as he got ready to turn around and start going home….but he didn't…he stayed there…starring at the crying male. Izaya arms had flown up over his eyes as he let out pain filled sobs; Shinra was still petting his hair back gently, he had comforted Izaya through crying many times before this.

"Stop crying and be a man flea, it's not that damn sad." Shizuo said annoyed…he was only angry at this point because he started to feel like he might just start crying as well.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Izaya screamed at the tops of his lungs, startling the other two males. Izaya was shocking both Shizuo and himself; he had never broken down like this before…and frankly he really didn't care.

"Kill me…please…kill me…" Izaya whimpered; he flinched when he felt someone grab his arms and pull them from over his eyes. Shinra had been pushed out of the way and Shizuo was now sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to make the informant sit up.

"S-stop." Izaya yelped as his voice cracked; Shizuo pulled him close and wrapped his arms gently around him.

"Stop crying Izaya." Shizuo said as he hugged the smaller male tightly; Izaya didn't struggle that long before just letting the blonde hold him.

"Please…I don't want to…I don't want to live anymore…please…"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Don't worry this will get better and less depressing soon! I hope this was good enough and I really hope you liked it! If it's ok could you please review, favorite, and alert! Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next chapter!<strong>


	6. Compromise

"I'm glad he's finally asleep." Shinra said as he sat down next to the blonde on his living room couch; Shizuo was looking down at the floor as he hunched over his legs.

"Hey Shizuo…I'm sorry about being all mad at you back there…it really wasn't right of me to take Izaya-kun's side. What he did was really out of control, almost killing Kasuka I mean. I wouldn't expect you not to hate his guts and want to kill him right now." The underground doctor said, feeling a bit guilty on how mad he got at his close friend.

"Yea I really can't forgive the flea after what he did to Kasuka…I knew the flea was crazy but I never thought he would do something like this…" The two males sighed heavily; neither knew what they were going to do with the suicidal and possibly insane brunet.

"I have to figure out a way to make Izaya better than this; he can't keep using people as a pain reliever. "

"Yeah…so what are you going to do with him after the flea is able to get out of bed and walk around? If you let him back to doing his job what's stopping him from trying to hurt other people that are close to me and not to mention killing himself." Shizuo asked, he was planning on being Kasuka's bodyguard for the next couple months until he was sure the flea wasn't going to try anything else.

"Actually…I don't plan to let him leave after he's better; in the room I have him in now there is another door that leads to a solitary confinement room. I want to keep him in there until I figure out the reason why he keeps trying to kill himself; and I also would like to keep him from torturing anyone else…I'll probably keep him in there for a couple months so you won't have to worry about being attacked by him."

"Tch I'm really not afraid of the flea, I just don't want him anywhere near Kasuka…well actually today Kasuka was getting a restraining order against him. So the flea legally can't be within a hundred feet of Kasuka now." Shizuo said, he didn't sound very happy about it though. Knowing the informant wasn't the kind of person would obey the law.

"Even after I let him out of the solitary confinement room I'm probably going to have Celty keep a very close eye on him just to make sure he really had changed. Izaya's really the only person who calls her to transport things so I don't think it'll be a problem for her to watch him."

"That's not a very good idea; of course he's not going to do anything bad with her watching him. The second you leave him alone, he'll have a field day." Shizuo said fiercely.

"Yeah you're probably right, and I can't keep him in the solitary confinement room months on end. The lack of sunshine and fresh air isn't good for his body…I can talk to his boss and have his information schedule altered; I could also get some cameras in every room of his house and with his bosses permission I can have his computers wired and his phone lines tapped. I know Izaya had more than one phone and his boss must know all the phones he has since they're for business; I'll have to get him permission and help to have everything Izaya owns bugged. As for the confinement room I'll let him out every couple days to do his job and for some fresh air; I'll only let him out for a little while though then I'll put him right back in the confinement room."

"That's sounds good…I really can't believe Kasuka isn't going to press charges against that bastard. He won't even let his manager put the flea's name or picture in the paper so he can be Tokyo's biggest social pariah." Shizuo said angrily as he grounded his teeth together.

"Well after I had a long chat with him on the phone he agreed not to have Izaya arrested as long as I was able to change the way he acts. If I can turn him into a better person…well better than he is now, then he won't be arrested."

"That's impossible Shinra, being insane and evil is all what Izaya is. If you take that away from him what the hell will he be? An empty shell of the man he once was."

"I don't care what I have to do I'm determined to make him better and get rid of his depression. The only thing you need to worry about is taking care of Kasuka until all his injuries are healed… you know what I just realized Shizuo, if I can make Izaya better then he won't be bothering you anymore. You'll be rid of him forever." The blonde flinched at that last comment.

"_Rid of the flea…forever?"_ Shizuo thought as he lay back against the couch.

"When do you think you'll be putting him in the confinement room?" Shizuo asked curiously.

"Once his head injury is cleared up I'll be putting him in there; it's a safe padded room that can only open from the outside. It doesn't even have a doorknob on the inside so there's no chance Izaya can escape." Shinra said in a more cheerful tone.

"Good…I better go to the hospital and check on how Kasuka is doing; I promised him I'd visit as much as possible." Shizuo said as he got up from the moderately comfortable couch.

"That's probably a good idea; I better go check on how Izaya is doing as well…I think me and him need to have a little talk." Shinra said as he also got up from the couch; as he walked into the white room he saw the informant was awake now.

"Izaya, we need to talk." Shinra said fiercely as he brought over a chair to the brunets bedside.

"Is this talk about…me going to jail? I know Kasuka's really famous so he and a bunch of his fans must be pressing charges on me right?" Izaya asked; he actually sounded a little nervous.

"No, you got away with a restraining order and that's all; Kasuka agreed not to have you arrested as long as I change the way you are." Izaya sat up in anger.

"What's that's supposed to mean?" Izaya asked angrily.

"What you did to Kasuka was way out of line; you could have murdered him you know? With your boss's permission, Kasuka's permission, and your family's permission I have the right to hold you here and keep a close watch on you until I'm positive you are not a threat to the public. You will be put in a solitary confinement and I will be monitoring your behavior towards others, your mental state, and your heath. You can't keep using people as your own personal pain reliever and you can't keep trying to kill yourself when there really is no logical reason to do so. You have a nice family, a great job, a lot of money, a nice apartment, and friends that love you. And your jealousy towards Shizuo is way out of control; not to mention you keep saying that you're a horrible person, but if you just allow me to help you everything will get better." Shinra said; trying to keep his voice as calm as possible.

"Wait…so you're going to put me in a room all by myself and monitor my reactions?" Izaya asked shocked.

"Well, something like that. Every couple of days I'll let you out so you can do your job and get some fresh air. You will be watched twenty four/ seven until I can confirm you are no longer a threat to the public or yourself. The goal here will be to find the cause of your depression, get you any medication or therapy you need for it, and find a different release for your pain inside of hurting others."

"You're serious about all this?" Izaya asked nervously.

"Would you rather it be me monitoring you or having me place you in a mental institution?" Izaya sighed heavily and sunk down under the soft blankets.

"Fine…its better it be you then some strangers with nothing better to do then watch people go crazy in some room."

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I thought I left the last chapter a bit weird so I made this next one. I'm glad you guys like this because I'm not having lots of confidence in this even though I have the whole story line pretty much thought out. I don't think I'll make it that long but it will be a good size and if you guys have any suggestions on how to make this even better I'd love to hear them. This doesn't mean I want you to flame me I just want some helpful tips. Thanks for reading and I hope you liked this and please don't forget to review!<strong>


	7. Past

"Oh this really isn't my color." Izaya whined as he looked down at the thin fabric white sweat pants and v-neck white t-shirt he was forced to wear; he would much rather have something black instead of white. Shinra had given him these clothes just to make sure he was hiding any switchblades in his regular clothes.

"Don't you have anything more my style?" Izaya asked the underground doctor as he scribbled something down on his clipboard.

"Nope you'll just have to deal with that; and don't be so worried about your appearance, it's not like anyone else is going to see you except me and Celty." Shinra said in his usual cheerful tone; after getting all of the drama out of the way he was in a lot better mood. It had taken three weeks for the informant to be able to stay off life support; he still had the bandages and stitches though.

"What about him?" Izaya asked, nodding towards the larger male that was standing a few feet away from them. Shizuo had wanted to be there when Izaya was put into the solitary confinement room. He also wanted to make sure there was no possible way the flea could escape.

"I could care less what you wear parasite." Shizuo said acidly; if looks could kill Izaya would have died right there and then. Izaya couldn't meet eyes with the bodyguard so he kept his head down; he really didn't know how to answer to that…he couldn't even think of a snide comeback.

"Before I have you put in the SC room I wanted to do a mental evaluation on you; I've already done a physical one and everything seems to be fine." Shinra said as he stared writing on his clip board again.

"So, it would be like a therapy session or something like that?" Izaya asked curiously, Shinra just nodded to the question. The brunet's eyes wandered across the floor until his vision met with the bodyguards shoes.

"Um…Shizu-chan could you please…leave so I can't talk to Shinra freely?" Izaya asked, not even showing any attempt to look up at the blonde.

"_What the hell…did he just say 'please'?"_

"I never knew you even knew any polite words like "please" flea." Shizuo shot back at the nervous brunet.

"_What's with this bastard? He's trying to be polite about all this and he can't look me in the eye? What's he up to?"_ Shizuo thought as he stared at the smaller male suspiciously.

"I'm going to stay, I'm curious to learn why you're such a bastard." Shizuo said as he went to sit in one of the chairs in the room. Izaya sighed heavily as he and Shinra sat down on the bed he had lied in for the past few weeks.

"Do we really need to do this Shinra? You've known me since we were kids and I've always come to you with my fucked up problems; can't you just take the information from that?" Izaya asked; he really didn't want to talk about his life in front of the ex-bartender.

"I can't remember everything from when we were younger, and half of the time I didn't know the whole story behind why you were so upset. Really all I remember from when you were upset was that you cried a lot a tried to commit suicide a few times." Shinra said honestly.

"Well…what really do you want to know? I'm not really sure what I should talk about."

"Just tell me if you've had any traumatic experiences when you were younger or maybe tell me why you were always so sad all the time. " Shinra said as he got ready to write.

"Well…there really wasn't anything wrong with my family; my mother was always nice to me and my dad worked a lot but he would always find time for my sisters and me. As for my sisters they were fun to play with but just got annoying as they got older, like all younger siblings do." Izaya explained.

"That's good, so no family troubles." Shinra said as he wrote quickly on his clipboard.

"I guess everything really started when I started to go to school; I didn't meet you until third grade but before that I didn't have any friends. You were my first friends ever…a lot of the kids didn't like me because I was weird. When I was in Kindergarten I would break out laughing for no reason and try to tackle most of the kids that I wanted to be friends with because I wanted to be as close as possible to them. I just really loved humans back then so I wanted to make friends with all of them, I tried so hard…but I just wasn't like any of them…I didn't do any of the things normal children did…"

"What do you mean Izaya-kun?"

"For example, when it was nap time I would roll around on my mat and laugh into my hands while the other children tried to sleep. Or when we got to color I would just start writing a lot of random facts I knew then cut them out and paste them all over my clothes so I didn't forget them; sometimes I would even glue them to my hair so they would be close to my thoughts. Playing on the play ground I was a nightmare; I would stalk the other children by hiding behind things and watching them play, I would also sometimes hold onto one of them and not let go until one of the teachers had to pry me off of him. Most kids were afraid of me, but the ones who weren't would bully me constantly. They would break any toy I brought in and in the winter they would shove snow in my clothes and face; when I told the teachers about this none of them believed me so I really just had to take it."

"What else did they use to do to you; did they ever hit you or get physical like that?" Shinra asked curiously; he was getting really interested in his friends past.

"Yes, at lunch time they would throw apples at my head and on the playground they would push me off the swings and shove my face into the dirt. Even while I was walking home they would sneak up behind me and start holding me down and punching me; after they did I would run home crying and my mother would patch up any scratches I had gotten."

"That's horrible, is that why you hate humans?"

"Huh? Who said I hate humans? I love humans; I love them all so much! Even now I still am in love with them all. Those bullies were only half of my problems; it only got worse as I got older. After I met you things seemed to get better because I had someone I could talk to…but sometimes I was embarrassed to go to you for help so the really bad things that happened to me I never told you."

"Like what?" Izaya was starting to shake and he was trying to keep his voice from shaking as he talked at this point.

"Well, after my sisters were born my parents started to fight a lot and eventually got divorced when I was entering fifth grade. My father had left us to stay with our mother…the day he walked out on us was the last day I saw him. I don't even know where he is now; he said something about moving to Florida and hooking up with a woman younger then my mother so I bet he's there…but after what he did I can't even handle saying his name."

"I'm sorry that happened; were you really close with your father?" Shinra asked

"Yes, he was always there when I needed him and he always knew just what to say when I was upset." Izaya sighed; he had to rub a few stray tears that had escaped his eyes; Shizuo was still sitting near him with wide eyes at what he had just heard. Shinra reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief for the brunet.

"It's ok Izaya, just take your time." Shinra said as he handed the cloth to the male next to him; Izaya dabbed his eyes with it and continued.

"I started to think that…the reason why my parents broke up was because of me, I knew my father was starting to get annoyed with me e different and me constantly coming home bruised and scratched up…I really just thought he left because of me, and I still think that. Only a few months after my father left it hit me that I really am just different from everyone else and maybe…I don't even deserve to live if all I do is freak people out."

"I do remember around that time you tried to kill yourself by jumping off the roof of your house; you got a pretty bad broken arm because of that." Shinra said; recalling sitting in the hospital with Izaya as he got his arm put into a cast.

"Yea…everyone kept telling me what a freak I was, even my mother started to calling me her "monster of a child" so I kind of just thought everyone would be better off if I wasn't alive." Izaya said; he was keeping his head down with his bangs covering his eyes. He really couldn't look either male in the eyes….

"Once we started high school you seemed to be ok though?" Shinra asked curiously.

"I was for a little while; I started to date and I was really happy then but all of them turned out to just be using me or didn't want anything long term with me. The girls I dated used me to get their ex-boyfriends jealous; in the end I would usually get my assed kicked by their ex's. I gave up on girls and started dating a couple of guys; some were just dating me because they had no one else to date and once they did find someone better than me they dumped me. The last guy I dated just wanted to fuck me and almost forced me to do so but I cut him with my switchblade and ran off before he could lay a finger on me. At that point I just stopped dating all together because I just couldn't trust anyone anymore."

"After what you've been through that's understandable, it's a good thing you had that switch blade on you or you would have been raped. Do you think all that has happened to you is the reason why you love to torture others?"

"I'm not really sure why I like torturing my lovely humans; I guess I'm a hypocrite for saying that I love them so much and then just going and ruining their lives or putting them into some kind of trouble…I guess in my past when I tried to show my affection by being nice to them and it didn't work…I found another way to show my affection towards them…"

"You do know Izaya that what you're doing isn't showing love for anyone at all; all you're doing is hurting them." Shinra said fiercely.

"I know….I…I'm…sorry Shinra." Izaya was able to choke out before he heard his voice crack; he bit his lip hard to keep from hysterically crying…he especially didn't want to cry in front of Shizuo

"Well at least we found the reasons on why you're like this, now we just have to work towards making you better. I really just think you've had a rough time growing up and you're a bit traumatized by it all that you have trust issues." Shinra said, reading his analyses to the males.

"Actually I have a question for you flea." Izaya turned his head slightly at the sound of the blonde's voice.

"What is it Shizu-chan?" Izaya was sure it would be something rude or teasing towards him…but to his surprise…it wasn't.

"Why am I the one you love to annoy the most; what's so special about me?" Shizuo asked, he had always wondered why Izaya had targeted him as his favorite "toy" to play around with.

"Your very interesting Shizu-chan, for some reason I get an adrenaline rush when I see that brute strength of yours. I guess I really just bother you because I love seeing you get angry, I love seeing you not be human. It makes me feel like I'm not the only monster in this world."

"...You and I are nothing alike if that's what you're implying flea; what you do is to show affection in some sick, twisted way. I hate the strength I have and I hate that I can't control it. You hurt people knowingly; I hurt people because I can't control myself. So stop saying we're alike, because we're not."

"I don't…like to hurt people Shizu-chan."

"Obviously you do since you've been doing it since high school." Izaya was quiet for a while, trying to process everything the blonde was telling him before he spoke up.

"I'm sorry Shizuo…"

"You're…what?" Shizuo asked shocked, did the flea really just apologies to him?

"I'm sorry I hurt your brother, I'm sorry I hurt you all these year, I'm sorry I hurt all those people, and I'm sorry I'm so horrible that it makes you sick to look at me…I'm just so sorry…" Izaya said, tears had started to run down his cheeks as he kept his vision to the floor. Shizuo stood up from his chair and went to go stand in front of the brunet.

"Izaya, look at me." Shizuo ordered; when the brunet didn't move he grabbed the smaller male's chin roughly and pulled his head up to look at him. What Shizuo saw in Izaya's eyes…wasn't Izaya…all he saw was hurt, pain and regret.

"It doesn't matter how many times you apologies, I'll never forgive you for what you've done…especially for what you've done to Kasuka." Shizuo said, looking into the smaller males eyes before standing up straight and walking out of the room.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Don't blame me for making these couple chapters sad, this is an angst fan fiction. But the next chapter will have less sadness and more Shizaya in it so be prepared for it :) I hope you liked this chapter and I'll be working on the next since I'm on Christmas break next week! Please review and thanks for reading!<strong>


	8. Babysitting

"Izaya I really need to see you eat something, you're getting way to skinny." Shinra said as he brought in a plate of sushi to the information broker. Izaya was lying on his back and staring up at the white ceiling, he hadn't moved for three days which was really worrying Shinra. It had been weeks since he had been put into the solitary confinement room; ever since then he would just lay on the floor for days on end staring at the ceiling or crying…he really didn't "cry" per-say, tears would just spill out of his eyes but he wouldn't scrunch his face up or start sobbing. Whenever Shinra would bring him something to eat he would only take a few bites then got back to staring at the ceiling.

"Izaya please eat…or move…just let me know that you're still alive!" Shinra said nervously; he could see bags under the raven's eyes, signaling that he hadn't slept in a long time.

"But I don't want to be alive." Izaya said almost to quiet for the underground doctor to hear; Shinra sighed heavily as he reached out a hand towards the male. Izaya grabbed it and let Shinra hoist him up to his feet; the raven stretched his tired muscles and stared at the brunet with annoyed expression.

"You shouldn't lie down for such long periods of time; you could really hurt your back like that." Shinra explained as he handed the plate of food to Izaya.

"I'm not hungry." Izaya said as he tried to hand the plate of food back to the underground doctor.

"Izaya I can see your ribs right now, you need to eat something or you'll starve to death…." The two were interrupted by the sound of someone knocking at the apartment door.

"I want to see that plate cleared by the time I get back." Shinra said fiercely as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

"Oh, hello Kasuka." Shinra said cheerfully as he answered the door; the young actor smiled as he was invited into the apartment.

"I'm glad your finally out of the hospital; how's your injuries?" Shinra asked curiously as he saw that all the casts were off of the younger male's body.

"All my injuries healed fairly quickly, aside from a few scrapes and bruises I'm feeling fine." Kasuka said, he actually did still have a small bruise on the corner of his lip and a few more on his arms and chest.

"I'm surprised Shizuo isn't with you, I thought he was going to start being your bodyguard while you're in town filming your movie?"

"I told him I'd be getting out of the hospital so I could come see how Izaya was doing; has he been making progress?" Kasuka asked; Shinra sighed and waved the actor towards the room he kept Izaya in.

"Well he knows what he's doing is wrong, that much is clear…he's just been through a lot and has had some bad experiences with people so I know this is going to take a lot of work. He's been so depressed lately so I wanted to let him out today so he could do his job; he loves being an informant so maybe that will cheer him up. The only problem is Celty can't watch him today because someone had called her for a job." Shinra said as he opened the door to the SC room. Izaya was lying back down on the floor with the plate of untouched food beside him.

"Izaya-kun I thought I told you to eat everything on that plate." Shinra said angrily as he bent down to grab the plate from off the floor.

"I don't want to eat, get off my back." Izaya spat back as he kept his vision on the ceiling.

"Hello, Izaya-kun." Izaya sat up at the sound of a familiar voice; his eyes widened when he saw the young actor staring at him indifferently. He turned his head away as his body started to shake.

"Hello…Kasuka…where's your brother? I thought he was supposed to be protecting you from me?" Izaya asked; not making any attempt to look at the actor.

"I told him I wouldn't be getting out of the hospital until tomorrow, if he was with me I knew he wouldn't have let me come here." Kasuka said; he moved closer to the raven as he noticed he couldn't look at him.

"Well…why did you come here? Did you come to tell me that you've decided to throw me in jail?" Izaya asked; his body was shaking so much that it was very noticeable by the other two males in the room.

"No, I came to pick you up because today I'm going to be your babysitter." This made Izaya look at him.

"Babysitter? If you haven't noticed I'm a twenty-one year old grown man and I'm a lot older then you kid; I don't need a babysitter!" Izaya said angrily; he flinched when he was suddenly grabbed roughly by the collar of his shirt.

"Look Izaya, it's either you let me babysit you for today or I call my agent and get you thrown in jail so fast it'll make your head spin." Kasuka said fiercely; Izaya swallowed hard and nodded.

"You really are Shizu-chan's brother." Izaya said as Kasuka released him; he followed him out of the room as Shinra went to go get his regular clothes.

"Here Izaya; you had no idea how long it took me to pull out all the blades and pocket knives hidden in your clothes." Shinra laughed as he handed the folded clothes to the raven.

"Those were really expensive Shinra; you didn't throw them out or sell them did you?" Izaya asked nervously as he started towards the bathroom to change.

"Of course not, I have them in a safe place and will give them back to you when I know I can trust you with them." Shinra said happily; Izaya changed quickly before coming out of the bathroom and handing Shinra his snow white clothes.

"So what do you plan to do with me Kasuka-chan?" Izaya asked as the two walked out of Shinra's apartment; Kasuka just shrugged and started walking in the direction of Izaya's apartment.

"Let's go back to your place; you have work to do don't you?" Kasuka asked as he shoved his hands in his jeans pockets; Izaya grinned and started skipping ahead of the young actor.

"Whatever you say Kasuka-chan!" Izaya said happily, he was already starting to feel better at the sound of him being able to do his beloved job.

* * *

><p><em>Izaya's apartment…<em>

"Remember everything electronic that you own is monitored so don't try anything." Kasuka said as he started flipping through the channels on Izaya's flat screen TV.

"I won't, I'm just glad to be able to go on my chat rooms and get all the updates on this wonderful city." Izaya said excitedly; his fingers flew across his keyboard as he kept his eyes glued to the multiple computer screens. The two were quiet for a while, until Izaya suddenly stopped typing on his keyboard.

"…Kasuka?" Izaya asked as he stood up from his desk chair and started to walk over to the brunet.

"Yea?" Kasuka answered, not taking his eyes off of the show he was watching.

"….I'm…I'm sorry for hurting you, I wasn't really thinking when I did what I did to you. I was in a dark place in my mind back then….I really am sorry…" Izaya said, blushing a little as he walked back to his desk.

"Thanks Izaya-kun…Nii-san told me everything that you said had happened to you, were you just looking for sympathy or did all that stuff really happen to you?" Kasuka asked curiously.

"It all happened to me, trust me I don't need sympathy from Shinra and Shizu-chan." Izaya said, a grin spreading across his face. The two flinched at the sound of one of their phones ringing; surprisingly it was Kasuka's. He sighed as he answered it.

"Hey Nii-san, what's up?" Kasuka asked as he answered the phone; Izaya's eyes widened when he heard it was Shizuo on the other end of the phone.

"_Where the hell are you, I went to visit you in the hospital today and the receptionist said you had already checked out."_ Shizuo said angrily, he was really worried about his baby brother.

"I'm babysitting Izaya-kun today; Shinra let him out for the day and I offered to look after him since Celty was busy." Kasuka said simply.

"You're what? I'm coming over to that bastard's apartment right now!" Shizuo barked into the phone before Kasuka heard the line go dead.

"Nii-san is coming over." Kasuka said to the raven as he went back to watching the TV.

"What? He's coming here? How could you tell him i was here?" Izaya yelped as he jumped up from his chair.

"Technically I didn't tell him you were here; he assumed we were here and just happened to be right." Kasuka said; Izaya grinded his teeth together as he started running all over his apartment for one of his switchblades.

"Where the hell are all my blades?" Izaya screamed as he ran around in a panicked state around his apartment.

"Shinra had Celty find all of them and give them to him; it was easy finding them since your secretary was happy to show her all you're hiding spots." Kasuka explained.

"Remind me to fire her ass later." Izaya said annoyed as he went to all his hiding spots; he nearly jumped out of his skin when his door was kicked down.

"IIIIZZZAAAAYYYYAAA!" Shizuo screamed as he entered the apartment; he was panting heavily as he looked around the apartment for the flea.

"Hey Nii-san." Kasuka said as he pulled himself off of the couch and approached his older brother.

"Where is that bastard?" Shizuo asked as he stormed around the apartment; unaware that the informant was busy hiding under his desk.

"Don't hurt him Nii-san; he hasn't done anything bad all day and Shinra said he's been really depressed lately. Also he doesn't have any of his weapons so it wouldn't be a fair fight." Kasuka said, crossing his arm across his chest.

"Why are you defending him? Have you forgotten he almost killed you?"

"No I haven't, but he did apologies for it so don't hurt him. I'm just hanging out here with him for the day until I have to bring him back to Shinra's." All Izaya heard for a while was silence, he was so afraid his breathing might be heard that he started to hold his breath.

"Come out flea, I know your hiding around here somewhere." Shizuo said loudly as he started to look around for the informant. Izaya closed his eyes tightly and hugged his knees tightly to his chest; just wishing the monster would leave him alone. He couldn't handle looking at him, he just couldn't…

"Found you flea." Izaya's eyes shot open as he was suddenly grabbed roughly from under his desk, he was thrown onto the carpeted floor with a loud bang. Izaya felt like he was going to pass out as he injured head hit the hard floor; he had eaten hardly anything and hadn't really slept for the past couple of weeks so that wasn't helping at all. He moved himself on his hands and knees and started to try to get up; after a while of trying to get on at least one foot Izaya failed miserably.

"Do you need help Izaya-kun? You don't look so good." Kasuka said as he stepped forward to help the informant.

"No!" Izaya growled as he stayed on the floor, trying to catch his breath.

"If you need help just say so flea." Shizuo said annoyed as he grabbed the smaller male's arm and hoisted him up to his feet. Izaya quickly backed away from the blonde, his eyes locked on him.

"You're welcome." Shizuo spat out at him; Izaya didn't say anything he just continued to stare at him.

"You really don't need to be here Nii-san; I've got everything under control." Kasuka said, breaking the awkward silence between the two.

"I don't trust the parasite alone with you." The bodyguard said fiercely.

"Fine, if you're so worried then why don't you watch him? I have some lines I need to rehearse anyway." Kasuka offered; Izaya was doubtful the blonde would consider spending the day keeping an eye on him.

"Sure, if you need to leave I'll watch him for you."Izaya thought he heard his jaw hit the floor when he heard that. Kasuka smiled and reached into his pocket to pull out a small medicine bottle; it was familiar to Izaya since those were the bottle of pills Shinra had been giving him for the past couple of weeks.

"This is his medicine; Shinra gave some to him a little while ago so give him some more in about an hour." Kasuka explained as he grabbed his jacket and headed towards the door.

"Oh and you have to make sure he eats something, Shinra thinks he's starving himself to death. If he refuses to eat Shinra gave me permission to hold him down and force the food into him so I guess you can do that to. See you later Nii-san!" Kasuka waved goodbye to the two before leaving them alone.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: here is my Christmas present to you guys! A new chapter to this! I hope you liked it and sorry to put it in such suspense at the end! The next chapter will have some Shizaya fluffiness so be prepared for that! Merry Christmas to all and to all a sexy Shizaya year! Hahahahahah <strong>


	9. Force Feed

It felt like the two were staring at each other for hours; the tension was obvious and the air started to feel as thick as molasses. Shizuo had his hands shoved in his pockets and was starring down at the floor, avoiding the informants bug eyed stare. Izaya usually couldn't look at the blonde but now he was too afraid to look away.

"…Stop staring at me like that flea." Shizuo finally said, getting very annoyed that the flea was staring at him so observantly, like he was waiting for something to happen. Izaya swallowed thickly as he started walking towards his desk.

"Um…you can have a seat on the couch Shizu-chan, or if you're hungry you can help yourself to anything in the fridge." Izaya said almost to quiet for the other male, Shizuo stared at him for a moment before going to sit down on the very expensive couch. Although the couch was very relaxing Shizuo still had his guard up, he didn't care what anyone said, that the flea was starting to change, he knew he was up to something. He listened to the fast typing of the brunet and kept a very close eye on him while watching some nature marathon that Kasuka had been watching.

"Wow, he really does look skinny." Shizuo thought as he got a closer look at the brunet, he had to take off his sunglasses to really see how pale the informant looked. His arms were like twigs and Shizuo could actually see his ribs through his shirt. The ex-bartender hoisted himself up onto his feet and approached the wood desk; Izaya noticed the monstrous figure coming towards him and had to keep himself from looking up at him.

"M-may I help you?" Izaya asked, not looking up at the larger male. He gasped when his desk chair was suddenly pulled away from his computers; Shizuo spun his around so he could get a better look of how skinny the raven actually was. He reached forward and pulled up Izaya's shirt, only to see a set of ribs covered by a thin layer of skin.

"What are you doing?" Izaya yelped as he jumped out of his chair and backed a few feet away from the larger male. He had his arms crossed across his chest and was shaking very noticeably.

"You're so skinny; you're all skin and bones!" Shizuo said, starring at Izaya with wide eyes. He had never seen someone that skinny actually alive!

"S-so what if I am? Why do you care?" Izaya shuddered as he talked; his vision had went to the floor and his breathing had become uneven.

"Listen flea; don't get a fucking attitude with me. I'm just doing Shinra a favor by watching you right now, if you die of starvation because I didn't help you he would never forgive me. Considering he's my only real friend I have to keep you alive." Shizuo growled; his eyes locked with the smaller males…he could see that look of pain in his eyes again…the same look he saw the last time he had talked with the flea…that same look he couldn't handle looking at. Not wanting to go back near the larger male Izaya sat down on the couch and kept his vision down to his folded hands; not saying a word.

"…I'm going to go get you something to eat, stay there while I look for something." Shizuo ordered as he went into the kitchen; for the first time Izaya actually obeyed the monster. All Shizuo really found in the kitchen was a few cans of soup, tuna, and some bread.

"How does a tuna fish sandwich with chicken soup sound?" Shizuo asked, not really liking the combo of food but he wasn't the one eating it so he could care less.

"I'm **NOT**hungry." Izaya said fiercely; Shizuo just ignored him and started making the food.

"You're eating flea; if I have to shove the food down your throat then so be it." Shizuo said as he poured the soup into a pot and started to mix the tuna with some mayo. After the soup was done he poured it into a bowl and placed the sandwich on a plate before bringing it to the annoyed informant.

"Here flea, I'm not leaving you alone until every last morsel of that food is gone." Shizuo said as he placed the food in front of the smaller male. Izaya studied the food for a moment while Shizuo sat down next to him.

"I want the crust cut off." Izaya said finally, still not looking at the blonde.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I won't eat it if the crust isn't cut off…and I want it cut into triangles, I won't eat it if it's not in triangles either." Izaya said, he really was serious about these demands. Shizuo got up, ripped open the silverware drawer, and pulled out the first knife he saw; he made the sandwich to the fleas liking and shoved it back towards him.

"Now eat it!" Shizuo said angrily as he placed the knife down on the table; Izaya shook his head and lay back against the couch.

"I told you I don't want to eat." Izaya said; Shizuo was furious now, he had just gotten up to cut the freaking sandwich now the damn flea won't even eat it? He grabbed a piece of the sandwich and pulled the smaller male closer to him.

"Fine, if you won't eat it then I'll feed it to you." Izaya clamped his mouth down tight, determined not to eat anything…although when he got a smell of the food his mouth started overflow with drool. He opened his mouth slowly and let the part of the sandwich be shoved into his mouth. He covered his chewing with his hand and swallowed it down.

"I hate you so much right now Shizu-chan." Izaya lied as another piece of the sandwich was shoved into his mouth. He really didn't hate the blonde, he loved him but he couldn't let him know that.

"Can I at least have a drink to wash this down?" Izaya asked, the thick tuna was sticking to his throat and he really didn't like the thought of having his breath smell like fish. Shizuo got up and poured some milk into two glasses; he was pretty thirsty himself after all. Izaya drank half of the glass of milk and let Shizuo feed him the rest of the sandwich; by that time the soup had cooled off, but again Izaya refused to eat it. Shizuo sighed heavily and started feeding the soup to a very annoyed informant; after the soup was finished Izaya got up from the couch to head to the bathroom.

"I just need to go to the bathroom." Before Izaya could even take a step forward he was pulled back down by the bodyguard.

"Don't lie flea, you're just going in here to throw up everything you just ate." Shizuo said as he let go of the brunet and started searching in his pocket for the brunet's medicine.

"_Dammit, he's getting smarter." _Izaya thought as his medicine was poured into his hand; he ate the pills and took a large gulp of the milk to swallow them down. Shizuo cleaned up the dishes while Izaya watched more of the TV, Izaya had already sent the information he need to give out to Celty to deliver; he couldn't let Shizuo come with him to deliver information…he might kill his customers!

"Thanks for making me something to eat Shizu-chan." Izaya mumbled as Shizuo sat down next to him.

"Whatever flea, seeing you looking like a skeleton is grossing me out."

"Wow Shizu-chan, that makes me feel great about myself." Izaya said annoyed as he snuggled into the couch; he was exhausted at this point and really just wanted to sleep…but he couldn't with the monster sitting right next to him. Unfortunately after a few minutes of starring at a very baring documentary Izaya's head felt like a bolder as his head fell down onto the blonde's shoulder.

"What the hell flea?" Shizuo asked annoyed, he looked down to see the informant was fast asleep. He was about to shove Izaya off of him but was interrupted by his phone ringing.

"_Hello Shizuo-kun, Kasuka said you were taking care of Izaya now so I just wanted to let you know that he needs to come back to my place now. It's getting late and I really want to keep him close to hear since he hasn't been looking to well."_ Shinra explained once the bodyguard had answered the phone.

"Uh…well he kind of just fell asleep; he looks drained so I don't think he'll be waking up any time soon." Shizuo explained as he looked down at the lightly snoring raven.

"Your strong Shizu-chan, could you please just carry him here? I don't want you to wake him up because he's hardly gotten any sleep in the past couple of weeks."

"I guess…I could carry him." Shizuo said as he started to get to his feet; he hung up on the underground doctor and moved his hands under the skinny body. Izaya was actually really light; Shizuo blushed when the smaller male wrapped his arms around his neck and cuddled close to his warm body.

"_Damn flea…don't make me feel like this…when I hate you so much…."_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: I just thought I would write this for you guys! I really hope you like this story, I always pour my emotions into these kinds of stories so hope this is good enough for you guys! I love you all and I'll see you in the next chapter! Thanks for reading and please review!<strong>


	10. Realizations and Reactions

"Just set him down here Shizuo." Shinra said as he led the blonde into his operating room, Shizuo carefully laid the unconscious information broker on the operating table. He stood back while Shinra started listening to his heart beat and checking his blood pressure. Izaya was as pale as a ghost and it didn't look like he was breathing at all!

"…Is he dead?" Shizuo asked, Shinra shook his head and started pulling up the raven's black v-neck shirt. Izaya's ribs were very visible and it looked like he hadn't eaten in days.

"From the lack of eating his stomach had shrunk down a little, you fed him before you brought him here right?" Shinra asked the larger male as he started getting out a syringe full of some milky liquid.

"Yes, I fed him a tuna sandwich and some chicken soup….do you know why he won't eat anything?" Shizuo asked curiously.

"I think this is his new way of trying to kill himself, he can't kill himself with any of his weapons or do any physical harm to himself like that. I think he might be…trying to starve himself to death." Shizuo said quietly, he put a hand down on the brunet's chest and carefully pushed the needle into a vein in the raven's neck. The syringe was full of liquid nutrients that would keep Izaya alive.

"He must be in a lot of pain; I wish he would stop doing this to himself." Shinra sighed heavily as he threw away the syringe into a medical container.

"Why would he be in pain?"

"When there is nothing in your stomach to digest your stomach acid starts to eat away at your stomach; it's supposed to be extremely painful. His stomach had adapted to the lack of food and had shrunken in size which really isn't good. The tiniest bit of food could make him throw up which is even worse." Shinra said nervously.

"Well I fed him an entire sandwich and a can of soup; he didn't get sick after I fed that to him." Shizuo said confused.

"Hm, I'll see how he feels when he wakes up. For now I'll let him rest in the SC room." Shinra slid his arms under the informant and picked him up bridal style. Since Izaya was so light now it was easy for Shinra to pick up his skinny body.

"Thanks for watching him Shizuo-kun, you can go home now." Shinra said as he walked into the white padded room. He gently placed Izaya down in a corner before grabbing a blanket for him and putting it over his sleeping form. Shizuo wanted to leave but he just continued to stand there, he had walked to the door of the solitary confinement room and was now starring at Izaya as he slept.

"Oh, are you planning on staying?" Shinra asked as he closed and locked the door, Shizuo shook his head but continued to stand there.

"Is everything ok Shizuo?" Shinra asked, looking up at the spaced out blonde. The larger male ran his fingers through his bleach blonde hair and nodded again.

"Yea …I think I should get back to Kasuka…see if he's ok." Shizuo said as he turned his back on the underground doctor and started towards the door.

"_Hm...that was weird.."_ Shinra thought as he went to go check on the TV monitoring Izaya's new room.

* * *

><p><em>Ikebukuro…<em>

"What's wrong Nii-san? You look like you've got something on your mind." Kasuka asked as he was walked back to his hotel by his older brother. Shizuo took another drag of his cigarette and started to stare up at the now dark sky.

"It's nothing really, that damn flea has been really getting under my skin for the past couple of days." Shizuo said; he took one more drag of his cigarette before crushing it under his foot.

"Why? You only saw him today for a few hours and that's all, did he do or say something to you after I left?" Kasuka asked curiously, Shizuo just shook his head.

"No…it's just…his damn eyes, they're really getting to me."

"His eyes? What's wrong with them?"

"I can't see Izaya in them, it's like he's not even himself anymore. Every time I look into them I see this look that just makes my skin crawl, it's not a creepy look it's more like…pure pain, or something like that."

"Well maybe Izaya has been in a lot of pain over the years, from what you told me he really only had Shinra to talk to and sometimes he was just too embarrassed to tell even him. He could have been bottling all the pain he was feeling and now that he let it out he's just not himself anymore. I know I noticed something like a pained look in his eyes when he apologized to me." Shizuo's eyes widened when he heard that.

"Whoa wait a minute; the flea actually apologized to you?" Shizuo asked shocked.

"Yep, it sounded like he really meant it to, and considering your reaction to him apologizing to me I'm guessing he never apologized to anyone before right? Then he really did mean his apology which means he felt bad for hurting me, so I guess I can forgive him." Kasuka said quickly, he looked up at his older brother to see him starting to look really pissed off.

"You're actually going to forgive that mother fucker?" Shizuo asked angrily.

"He really felt bad for hurting me, he apologized for it, he wasn't really right in the head when he did what he did to me, and I'm a forgiving person." Kasuka said simply shrugging like it wasn't big deal; Shizuo was quiet the rest of the way to Kasuka's hotel. His anger was rising inside of him, but it wasn't towards his brother it was towards that bastard flea.

"Thank you for protecting me Nii-chan, I'll see you tomorrow." Kasuka said before entering the building, Shizuo spun around on his heels and started walking in the direction of Shinra's apartment. He wanted to go home but something in him made his body start walking towards the doctor's house. It didn't take him long to get to Shinra's apartment since the hotel was close to where he lived.

"Hello Shizuo-kun, are you injured?" Shinra asked as he let the bodyguard inside, Shizuo just shook his head and started towards the operating room.

"Is the flea awake?" Shizuo asked as he was followed by the brunet.

"Yes, he got sick right when he woke up. I tried feeding him something but he said he still felt too sick to eat, at this rate I'm afraid he might die." Shizuo was ignoring him now, he walked in front of the door that led to the room Izaya was in and kicked it open. Luckily the door was so strong it was able to stay on its hinges.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked, he looked up from where he was sitting and watched the angry blonde approach him. He gasped when he was suddenly grabbed by the collar of his white shirt and held up a couple feet from the ground.

"What the hell are you planning?" Shizuo growled, making sure just too barely make eye contact with the information broker.

"What are you talking about Shizu-chan? I'm not planning anything." Izaya said defensively, he was already tired enough and now he had to deal with the monster?

"Then why did you apologize to Kasuka? Are you trying to make him put his guard down so he won't see you coming? What are you planning to do to him?" Shizuo barked angrily.

"Are you crazy? I'm not planning anything; I only apologized to him because I felt bad for hurting him." Izaya gasped when he was suddenly thrown against one of the ones. It knocked every bit of air he had in his lungs as he slid down on the wall until he was sitting on the floor.

"Shizuo stop! You might break his back, his bones are very fragile!" Shinra yelped, Izaya gasped for breath as he was grabbed by the throat and held against the wall again.

"Don't fuck with me flea, you have never apologized for a thing in your life." Shizuo growled.

"That's not true…I apologized to you not to long ago…or did you forget that…in that case…I'm sorry Shizu-chan…" Izaya said between breath's, he was starting to feel light headed again as his throat was squeezed.

"Shut up flea…just…SHUT THE HELL UP!" Shizuo swung his arm back, ready to punch the flea's face in…but…the flea was starring right at him with those_ eyes_ again. Izaya shut his eyes tightly as he watched the fist fly forward, he heard a large bang when the blonde's fist connected with something…but for some reason he didn't feel any pain. He slowly opened his eyes to see the blonde had punched the wall instead of him.

"_Dammit…why can't I hit him when he looks at me like that…why?"_ Shizuo thought angrily, his bleached bangs fell in front of his face as his whole body shook in anger at himself.

"….Shizuo?" Izaya asked as he placed a hand on the hand that was holding him against the wall. Shizuo's eyes widened as he looked up at the informant, looking back into those damn eyes again. He was frozen there; he just couldn't look away from the raven's painful look. Shizuo finally let go of the smaller male's throat, letting him fall down to the white padded floor.

"Shizuo, are you ok?" Shinra asked shocked; both males were starring at the monster or Ikebukuro. He was hunched over with a look that was completely indescribable.

"Flea why are you making me…so…"

"_Concerned about you…that look of pain in your eyes…why is it getting to me…why am I starting to care about you…"_ Shizuo thought, finishing his sentence in his head.

"So…what Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked, wondering what the blonde meant. There was a long pause of silence in the room before Shizuo spoke up.

"I don't…know." Shizuo lied; he turned on his heels and started towards the underground doctor. He grabbed Shinra roughly by the arm and pulled him out of the white room before slamming it shut; leaving Izaya to sit there with a very confused look on his face.

Shinra gasped as he was suddenly slammed against the door; Shizuo put both hands on the door basically trapping the doctor there.

"Keep Izaya alive, I don't care what you do just keep him alive. If anything happens to him I'll rip you in half, understand?" Shizuo said in a voice he had never heard himself talk in before.

"Y-yea but Shizuo…" Before Shinra could finish his sentence Shizuo was already heading towards the door.

"Wait Shizuo, why are you suddenly so worried about Izaya-kun?" Shinra asked, very curious about the blonde's sudden change of heart.

"Seeing the flea in _that_ kind of pain…is actually making me…care if he dies. I don't care what you do Shinra… just don't let him die." Shizuo said before leaving a very shocked doctor with a very confused information broker.

"_I knew you'd fall for him sooner or later Shizuo…" _Shinra thought before going to check if any of Izaya's bones were broken after he was thrown against the wall. When he walked in Izaya was leaning up against one of one of the walls with wide eyes staring at the floor.

"Did you just hear what he said?" Shinra asked, noticing the shocked look on the informants face.

"Yea…you left the microphone on so…I heard everything…"

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I hope this doesn't suck so much that it's boring you to tears, but I really put a lot of emotion into this because I've been kind of depressed lately. I usually put my own emotions into this since it really is such an emotional story. Well anyway I hope you liked this and don't be too sad about what's happening in the story so far. It will get better, and I'm only saying that so you guys won't stop reading it because it's so sad. So please review, favorite, and alert :)<strong>


	11. Thoughts

"He's worried about you." Shinra said as he stared at the still shocked information broker; Izaya slid his back down the wall until he was sitting on the white floor. He wrapped his arms around his knees and brought them close to his chest.

"How could he be worried about me? He hates me." Izaya said, he actually felt like crying right now but he was Orihara Izaya…he couldn't cry over this.

"Well maybe seeing you in so much pain is making him rethink his thoughts about you, in my theory he thinks of you as some kind of monster that can live forever. But seeing like this is making him think you really are just human and have emotions like this, and so does he. All I know is that he wants me to do everything I can to keep you from dieing."

"…Is that so…why is he so hard to figure out? Usually I would have seen this coming if it was anyone else, but he's so much harder to understand. Maybe it's because he's not as smart as most humans, or maybe it is because he really is just a monster…I'd give anything to know what was going through his mind right now." Izaya said aloud, he hugged his legs tighter to his thin body until he could feel his ribs digging into his knees.

"Well I think he needs a little time to cool down; he probably doesn't know where he is emotionally or mentally with you. For now I want to focus on keeping you healthy, and right now you're about to die of hunger." Shinra said, crossing his arms across his chest; Izaya stretched his leg out against the floor and rubbed his aching stomach.

"Shinra….I want all the fatty tuna you can get."

_Ikebukuro…_

"_This is so fucked up, why am I worried about that bastard?" _Shizuo thought to himself as he bought himself another pack of cigarettes and started to take a drag of one. He was furious at himself for caring abut the flea and he was even madder when he started to want to go back to Shinra's to see if Izaya was doing ok.

"Maybe I just need to sleep all this off, it is pretty late." The blonde crushed the newly lit cancer stick under his foot before walking back to his apartment. He didn't even bother changing into more comfortable clothes once he got into his apartment. He kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto his bed, it didn't take long for him to drift off to sleep after snuggling under the warm blankets.

"_Shizu-chan." Izaya whimpered as he was hugged by the bodyguard, they were curdled up in their bed together as Izaya cried like a child. Shizuo knew he was in pain from that day so he did everything he could to try to comfort his lover, kissing the raven's head lightly he pulled his closer into his warm embrace._

"_It's ok Izaya, I'm here now." Shizuo said, Izaya sniffled and wrapped his arms around the large male's body. He was actually feeling a lot better since he knew he was safe now, he rubbed his eyes on the back of his hand and lets his have lidded eyes look up at the blonde._

"_I love you Shizu-chan." Izaya sighed as a few more tears rolled down his cheeks, Shizuo kissed them away and smiled at the small informant._

"_I love you to flea." Shizuo said, holding the no longer crying Izaya close to his heart._

"GAHH!" Shizuo woke up in a cold sweet as he panted heavily from the dream he had just, he ran his fingers through his messed up hair and took a deep breath. He was burning under his clothes so he quickly stripped out of everything except his boxers; he fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Part of him wanted to go back to sleep to continue with his dream but the other part of him wanted to just stay awake…and not relive that dream of being with that bastard flea…holding him close.

"_Dammit…dammit this shouldn't be happening to me! I hate the damn flea, after everything he's done why shouldn't I hate him?"_ Shizuo thought angrily, why did he care so much what happened to the flea? Maybe seeing Izaya so weak like that really messed with his mind…

"Ahhhh! Stop thinking about it!" Shizuo yelled as he sat up in the bed, he didn't give a damn if he had woken up his neighbors with his angry screaming. After he calmed down a little he took in a deep breath and laid back down in his bed, he really was overtired at this point and he would have to get up soon to meet up with Tom. Just sitting there and having arguments with himself wasn't going to solve anything.

"_I'll deal with it in the morning…" _Shizuo thought, he kept telling himself that until he was finally able to fall asleep.

_The next day…_

"Is everything ok Shizuo-kun? You look like you've got something on your mind?" Tom-san asked as the two walked to their first appointment of the day.

"Yea everything fine, what happened to Kasuka has really been bothering me lately." It wasn't a complete lie; he was really worried about his baby brother. But that bastard flea was the one who was on his mind at the moment.

"I would have thought you would be a lot more relaxed considering Izaya hasn't been around Ikebukuro for days now." Tom said as he took another sip of his coffee, Shizuo didn't answer. He was already thinking about the flea enough he didn't need to think about him more. Even after hours of throwing random guys half way across Tokyo, Shizuo still found himself thinking of a shaking crying information broker.

"That'll be all for today Shizuo-kun, there really is no one else I need to meet up with today." Tom said as he counted the money that was shaken out of a very terrified old man. The blonde just nodded and started off in the direction of a certain underground doctor; after a few minutes of walking he finally got to the apartment.

"Hello Shizuo! What bring you here?" Shinra asked as he greeted a very disturbed bodyguard, Shizuo entered the small apartment and sat down on the moderately comfortable couch.

"I think I have some sort of brain damage." Shizuo blurted out, Shinra looked at him confused before sitting down next to the blonde.

"Oh? Why do you think that? Did you hit your head on something?" Shinra asked curiously, the blonde just shook his head and took in a deep breath.

"It's what I've been thinking of; I can't stop thinking about Izaya. It's driving me insane that he's the only thing that's been on my mind for the past few days." Shizuo said angrily as he ran his fingers threw his bleach blonde hair.

"Well after your little 'episode' yesterday I've been trying to figure out why you've suddenly have some interest towards Izaya-kun's well being. I think for you to see Izaya so weak and venerable is so un-natural that you don't know how to react to it. There's nothing wrong with you, it's only human that you react that way. But you won't need to worry about seeing Izaya so weak and helpless anymore, so don't worry too much about it." Shizuo's eyes widened when he ran the last sentence the doctor had said threw his messed up mind.

"What do you mean…did he die?" Shizuo asked, he actually started to feel a bit nervous waiting for the answer.

"Huh? No of course not! After last night he's just…Izaya now! He's acting like his old, messed up in the head self!" Shinra laughed.

"But isn't that a bad thing? We've been spending all this time to try and change him."

"Yes I know, but him being his usual 'Izaya' self is keeping him sane. I really don't think he'll be going near Kasuka anymore and I think he got all the bad memories out of his system. I told him if he ever needed to talk he could come over any time and if he'd rather talk to a professional I could give him the numbers of some great therapists."

"….He's still here right?"

"No, I let him go home a few hours ago." Shinra almost jumped out of his skin as the blonde stood up angrily from where he was sitting.

"You let that psycho go? What the fuck Shinra?" Shizuo screamed angrily.

"W-well you should have seen how he was…I really think his punishment is over so I let him go back to his home. He seemed really happy about it…" Before Shinra could say anything else Shizuo had ran full speed out the door.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, my computer got a bad virus and I just got cheated on and dumped so I've been a little depressed. I really hope this chapter is good and there will be one more after this. I just think this isn't a good chapter that I wrote but I tried really hard so I hope you liked it. Please review and thanks for reading!<strong>

**Btw I KNOW THIS IS OOC! IT'S MEANT TO BE LIKE THAT AND I THINK IT WORKS SO SORRY IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT. **

**And thank you everyone who's been helping me with this story and have been giving me advice on what I should do to make the next chapters better! You guys are great and I thank you for being so nice when giving suggestions to me! THANKS! **


	12. Worried about you

"Ah it's so nice to be home." Izaya said aloud as he spun around in his revolving chair, it had gotten dark quickly but he didn't care. He had finished all his work and still had lots of energy, the pain in his stomach that had been killing him for weeks was now gone. He rubbed his now full with fatty tuna stomach, and jumped up from his chair.

"_What to do what to do." _Izaya said, he skipped over to his couch and fell right back on it. He really was glad to be home and not be in the depressing white room for days on end. Tomorrow he would have lots of customers coming in that have been awaiting the best information he could give them; although it would be a few months before all the monitors would be taken off his beloved electronics. After a few more minutes of rolling around on his very expensive couch Izaya got up to check what was in his refrigerator, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of rotting food. He really didn't want to spend his first day back doing house work but he didn't want his clients to come into a room smelling like weeks old food.

Izaya quickly dragged his garbage can towards his refrigerator and started throwing out literally everything in there. Including half drunken bottles of water that had been untouched since the day Izaya had attacked Kasuka. It didn't take long to clean out the refrigerator since he was just throwing out everything in there, including everything in the freezer which was really just a tub of vanilla ice cream and some breakfast sandwiches that had become covered with frostbite. The raven tied up the black ends and slung the now full garbage over his shoulder, he was glad he got his pocketknives back just in case he ran into trouble while going into the alley behind his apartment building.

"Are you kidding me?" Izaya said to no one in particular as he first stepped outside, rain had started pouring down from a cloud covered sky. He lugged the very heavy garbage back to the dumpster behind the tall building before rushing back to the warmth inside.

"_Huh? I really need to work out more; I really must have gotten weak these past couple weeks."_ Izaya thought as he rubbed his stick like arms. Maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to go meet some of his clients tomorrow, considering he might not be able to defend himself if any of them got violent. The informant was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw a pair of wet footprints leading towards his apartment door, he had left his apartment unlocked because he would only be gone for a few minutes. Izaya quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his ten inch switchblade before approaching the now smashed door; obviously the intruder didn't even bother to see if the door was unlocked or not.

"Where the fuck are you flea? Stop hiding dammit!" A familiar voice sounded throughout the apartment, Izaya flashed a smile as he walked casually into the apartment. The blonde was nowhere in site when Izaya first walked into the apartment, so he guessed he would probably be in one of the bedrooms.

"Shizu-chan, please don't destroy my bed, I actually want to sleep in my own bed tonight." Izaya said loudly as he went to go sit on his couch, he really wasn't scared of the blonde, actually he was pretty happy to see him so pissed off after so long.

"IIZZAAAAYYYYAAA!" Shizuo came rushing out of Izaya's bedroom and towards the raven who was casually sitting on the couch without a care in the world.

"What brings you to my home Shizu-chan? Come to welcome me to freedom?" Before Izaya could say anything else he was hoisted up by the collar of his shirt until he was eye level with the monster.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Shizuo growled angrily

"Excuse me? I haven't done anything bad if that's what you're referring to." Izaya said, he swallowed thickly as the blonde stared at him like some kind of predator.

"You can't just leave all of a sudden without telling me, you should have had Shinra call me the second he said you were going to be released." Shizuo barked angrily, he still couldn't look Izaya straight in the eyes even though that scared innocent look was locked deep away.

"What do you mean? Why the hell do I have to tell you where I am?" Izaya yelled back

"Because you're a suicidal maniac who shouldn't be without supervision, Shinra's an idiot so he wouldn't have thought you might just kill yourself the second you're alone. Do you know how wor…" Shizuo quickly stopped himself before he admitted the one thing he never wanted the flea to know, unfortunately Izaya had already heard him and a grin had started forming across his face.

"I didn't know you were worried about me~" Izaya lied; he flinched when his neck was squeezed tightly.

"Shut the fuck up flea." Shizuo was so angry he was shaking, he wasn't just angry at the flea he was angry at himself for saying the most disgusting thing the man he hated most in the world.

"_I'm worried about you…" _the blonde was suddenly pulled out of his mental cursing when a pair of thin arms wrapped loosely around his neck.

"It's not good to lie to yourself Shizu-chan." Izaya said, smiling slyly at the larger male. Staring into those eyes Shizuo couldn't see the look he was so used to, that scared innocent look had somehow disappeared in a matter of a few days. Shizuo wanted to start cursing out the informant but for some reason he just couldn't find his voice…

"Thank you for…taking care of me Shizu-chan, and you don't have to worry I'm done with all that stupid suicidal shit." Izaya said, still smiling that slightly evil grin at the blonde. After another long pause Izaya decided this would be the perfect time to do something he had wanted to do for a very long time; he leaned forward and nuzzled his velvet like lips against the blondes. The kiss lasted seconds but to Izaya it felt like a lifetime.

"Bastard…" Shizuo finally growled as he threw the informant back onto the floor, Izaya slowly got back to his feet and stared at the blushing bodyguard. He smiled again and wrapped his arms back around the taller males neck.

"So what now Shizu-chan? You going to try and kill me now? After all that time trying to keep me alive?" Izaya asked, his face inches away from the blondes face. That grin, those eyes…this was definitely Izaya. Shziuo moved away from the brunet and grabbed the first thing he saw which happened to be the refrigerator.

"IIIZZZZZAAAYYYYYAAAA"

"_Ah the good old days~"_ Izaya thought as he jumped out of the way of the refrigerator.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Sorry I haven't been on in a while, I've been role-playing for Black Butler, Death Note, Hetalia, and Durarara. I'm going to put this role-playing stuff up on my profile and who I'm playing. The sites just started up and me and my friend who created the sites are trying to get more members. If you want to know the links just PM me. I'm not particularly proud of this story because this isn't the best I can do; I've been really trying hard though! I think this will be the last chapter but if you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them. Thanks for reading and please review~<strong>


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